Ilene Russell's Eulogy
My mother says I was smitten with Tony Russell in kindergarten Sunday School. I always did think he was quite something. Even when we were little he seemed old. Tony Russell was born old. He loved the Fall, the time of cool air and bright colors. He was a “worker man”, a true old Vermonter, a very active man. He relished working outside and performed hard, physical labor his whole life.
When we were dating, his father asked me, “What do you see in him? Why do you like him, why not somebody else?” I saw a lot of guys before him, but with Tony, I finally found a guy I could give my heart and soul to and never want it back again. I always thought his talents were obvious. I watched what he did, what he said, (which wasn’t much) and how he interacted with other people (always on the outskirts, never in the middle). He had 17 nieces and nephews at that time. He cherished little kids, a major requirement for me, and we spent hours finding the right toys for them every Christmas. His work boots were worn and dirty, his hands were calloused even back then, and he wore only black or blue T-shirts with jeans. One day at my grandmother’s he said he could change the oil in my car for me. This was a plus, because I hated that job. My father, who was a mechanic, insisted his girls learn how to do the simple maintenance of their vehicles. I thought to myself, “Boy, if he can do this, maybe I won’t have to anymore.” On another day, we went to Zayre’s and bought a couple of Huffy bikes. He assembled them at his house and rode mine down Bosley Hill, all the way up Readsboro Mountain, through Whitingham Village to the Crossroad, to deliver it to me at my grandmother’s farm. So, not only could he take things apart, he could put them back together to make them work and he was ambitious; 2 more pluses.
When he took me out, we might eat at McDonald’s and go to the movies. We couldn’t go out all the time because he was paying through the nose for his DWI and the brand new car that he had just bought before the lay-offs. That meant hot dates to the automatic car wash, hardware stores, or watching him fall trees in his dad’s back 40 on a Saturday afternoon. If he landed one on himself, I was supposed to run back to the house to call “368-2323- saves lives for you and me”. (There was no 9-1-1)
Another thing I liked about him was that he was kind, even in his rough ways. Not at all flowery sweet, but sensitive to the needs of others. He stuck up for people less fortunate. I knew the story of him sitting next to a little boy being teased on the bus. The bullying was turned away, just from his presence. My Aunt Sheila, who lost her ability to speak due to cerebral palsy, always gave him a big clap and wave “Hi”. He was quiet and didn’t like crowds, but he would come to the family gatherings if I asked. Seeing all this, I knew I had found a gem. He really was a “diamond in the rough”, as they say. He was the just-right-guy for me.
One night I drove up to his folks for Christmas. Before I could get one foot out the door, he shoved himself into the car, saying in that gruff voice, “Move over”. So I scrambled to the passenger side. He stepped on the gas, we sped down the road, and he skidded into the opening near the cemetery. He thrust this little box at me and said, “Would ya marry me? I won’t make ya rich, but I’ll work hard. So I won’t make ya poor either.” I really wanted to tell him that I needed time to think about it. But I knew Tony Russell. He’s only gonna ask once. If I didn’t say “yes” right away, he’d never ask again. So I said “yes”, and we drove back to the house where everyone wanted to see the ring. Evidently, Tony’s nephew overheard Tony telling his brother of his plan. Worried about the 4-year old spilling the beans, he had to race me away for the “big ask”. The ring cost all he had to spare ($200) from the JCPenny store in Bennington. It was small, which worked for my tiny fingers, but the size always bothered Tony.But I always felt and told him many times…. “It's not the size of the stone that matters, it’s the size of the heart that gives it to you.”
10 days after we were married, my grandmother died . I cried all night and many days. Tony came with me to her funeral and many family funerals over the years. He would bring our kids, then take them home when they’d had enough. He loved our son and daughter more than anyone. He would break the bank every Christmas and birthday for them. For each other, we’d talk before each holiday. Would we buy for each other this time, or skip ourselves for the kids? I love that he could go without, for their benefit.
As our kids grew, he did so many things with them. He loved taking them ice skating on Sadawga and even though he hated swimming he went with us once. That year the temperatures warmed up fast after the spring run-off. The heat seemed unbearable so I convinced him to go swimming in the river at the Lion’s park. Since he hated swimming he kept lollygagging around, going back and forth to the car to get something he “forgot”. In the meantime, Tanya was already halfway across the river, before Cody and I got in. While I was still getting my sandals off, I was telling Cody to be careful because the water was higher today and moving faster. Next thing I knew, the current swirled around him, sweeping him away from me. I managed to jump in and get underneath him, but the water swirled me around too. All I could do was keep pushing him up, hoping I had his head above water. Finally down river, I managed to get my feet lodged between two smaller rocks at the bottom. I screamed at Tanya to get out of the water. She was already scrunched atop a big rock in the middle of the river. She froze, staring at our predicament. In the meantime, Tony’s still back and forth to the car. He hadn’t even got to the footbridge yet. He couldn’t hear me hollering for him. Finally, he got down to the water to see the problem. He was so agile that he scampered over the small rocks to a large rock above us, reached down his hand to grab Cody’s arm, and yanked him out of the water. He went back to make sure Tanya got back across to the sand without getting caught where the current was pulling. What a relief that we didn’t get any closer to “Old Bubbly” where you could be sucked through the old culverts. Needless to say we didn’t go swimming for a while after that.
When his father died, we moved to Maine. Every time our kids achieved some accomplishment he was so happy, so proud. He worked long hours. Even though he loved working outside, he didn’t want them to be laborers, breaking their backs for a living. He hated sitting indoors and listening to speeches, but he went to all of their events. That’s how much he loved them.
All of our married life, he fixed so many things at our house. He put on the entire metal roof himself, after buying a book from Barnes and Noble, redid the wiring for the bathroom, installed a new shower after watching you-tube videos, built a brick patio for us and felled the maple tree of the front yard through both my lilac bushes. That’s just to name a few. I’ll miss him doing his projects, even though I hated the mess and fretted over the outcome. He loved mowing and shoveling; sometimes we shoveled together. I envied his smooth swift style: “swoosh, swoosh swoosh”, as he cleared the hill in 10 minutes or less. He thought it was nothing, but I considered that slick shovel-handling the coolest skill. I always wanted to clear the path that quickly, with minimal effort, but I was never so adept.
By the way, just a note about that little ring that he gave me so many years ago………
It lasted 30 years, the replacement broke in two pieces after only 3 or 4. Just like that first little ring, Tony was a long-lasting and durable guy who worked HARD, during terrible winter storms on live wire, plowing up and down steep, sharply curved roads tight to the village houses, in 0-below windy weather, in the baking sun, up and down the mountain sides, up and down utility poles, up and down the quarry, up and down the cat-walks, underneath the screens. He worked for long hours and never complained. You could always count on him. I used to call him the energizer bunny, because he just kept going no matter how hard things got or how run-down he looked. He told me recently, “If you want to build your strength, then when you feel like you need to stop, do just one more.” We all wish we could have just one more day with him.